He guys, I'm back! Missed me? Again? Some more?
I've been away from the blog lately because I've been having a writerly existential crisis of sorts. I love writing, and I'd like to think that I'm good at it, but somehow that just doesn't seem enough.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the creative process and the rush of artistic fulfillment...but I wanna be popular!!! I want people to like me, or at least know who I am. That's real power. The power of people!
And I'm frustrated because in the world of internet popularity fanfiction is stealing my thunder. It seems like no matter how hard I try my writing will never be as popular as crazy wish-fulfillment fever dreams scrawled by painfully insecure writers of dubious merit.
Go on. Look at it. Take a good, hard look.
Is it not the most spectacular crap? You actually feel yourself getting dumber as you read it. It is arguably the worst piece of writing ever to fart its way out of anyone's brain. Ever.
And yet...it's popular. Not a lot of people like it, but a lot of people have read it. I mean, a lot a lot. More than have ever stumbled onto this humble little blog.
So, I've come to a decision: I'm going to stop trying to make my writing good. From now on I will dedicate this blog to unnecessary descriptive passages and improperly-used adverbs. I am going to become not just a fanfiction writer, but the ultimate fanfiction writer. You think My Immortal was shit? Wait until you smell my shit!
Let's make this happen!
(The following contains profanity, sexual situations, violence, and canon-rape. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.)Bring Me 2 Life, Kill Me, Then Bring Me Back 2 Life Again
By xxXxxXtehpainoflifeizpainful666XXxXXxxxXxxX
Chapter 1: Indigo (like “Helena” by Good Charlottte only it’s “Indigo”)
A/N: Dana- fangz 4 dah help (geddit? “fangz!” Cuz I’m goffick!) wif da spellin. u rok gurl but not az much az MCR!!! MCR ROX!!!11!1111 alan- u r da luv of mah mizurabul life cuz u r mah reel life boifrend and not summone I maid up. MCR- fangz (Geddit??) 4 rokking cuz u rok. Prepz- fangz (GEDDIT??!1) 4 nuthin cuz u r all pozers n prepz. FOOK U1111111!1111 MCR ROX!11111!
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Hi my name is Indigo Night’fall Crazypants Onomatopoeia Manson. I’m seventeen years old and I’m in my seventh year at Street Fighter School in Japan. I was born in America but then I left because my parents died or something.
I have long raven black hair that comes all the way down to my knees with indigo streaks in it and blue tips at the end. I have pale skin and purple eyes the color of purple gems (A/N:: shez nut wering contackz doze r hur reel eyez so FUQ U!!1). I’m skinny enough that people think I’m anorexic. I’m also curvy in all the right places. Don’t ask me how that works. It just does.
I’m goffick in case you couldn’t tell. I’m studying at Street Fighter School to become a ninja- even though I’m better than all the teachers. Also, I’m a vampire, but I don’t burn up in the sun because of my magic powers. I have magic powers because I’m also a witch.
Today I was wearing my black Hot Topic ninja outfit with a black leather corset and black leather combat boots. I had purple fishnet gloves on my arms with black leather arm cuffs. I was wearing a black leather choker around my neck and 18 earrings in my ears all made of black leather. My finger nails were painted black and then covered in black leather just to be safe.
I don’t wear white foundation because my skin is so pale, but I was wearing black lipstick on my lips and tons of black eyeliner and BLOOD RED eyeshadow.
Suddenly, I turned around and there was……….Ryu Hoshi!
He was wearing a goffick black karate outfit with an MCR logo on the back (A/N: MCR ROX!!!!11111). He was also wearing black eyeliner and had painted his nails black, too. He was also also wearing a red headband from Hot Topic with little black skulls all over it which went great with his BLOOD RED contact lenses which expressed so much of his darkness and depression and sexiness.
He started to say something to me, but then I had to do something so I went away.
(A/N: iz dis AWSUM or iz dis AWWZSUM???)
Chapter 2: Street Fighters will never hurt you
A/N: PREPZ STUP FLAMMING MAH STORREE! im sorree if u dunnut geddit itz becuz ur a prep or a pozer n u shud hav a dokter luk at u. FOOK ALL OF UR MUTHAHS!!!1111111 dana- fangz (C WUT I DID THER??!!1) 4 helpn me wiv da spellin n such. btw hav us sen mah sweateh??/ MCR ROX!!!112345
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I was coming back from ninja class when I ran into my best friend Ambrosia. Her name used to be Chun-Li but then she found out that her real parents were vampire-witches killed by M. Bison. When she found out the truth, she changed her name and converted to Satanism just like me. I’m also a Stanist.
“Hey Indigo!” said Ambrosia goffickly (A/N: geddit??? cuz shez goffick1) “I saw Ryu looking at you before class.”
“Yeah so?” I muttered sexily (A/N: geddit??? cuz Ryu iz dah sexor! hez like Gerard Way cept sexaher cept not cuz datz nout pozzubul. an if u don no who dat iz dan u r a pozer-prep so GO TA HELL N FOOKING DIE!!!!111!)
“Do you like him?” she asked all inconsequentially.
“No fucking Way (A/N: lik Gerard!111 OMG I wan 2 be fooking WAYLOL1111!). That is so fucking retarded.” I said all sarcastic-like.
Ambrosia then said “BTW, did you hear about Hecate? She became a fucking prep loser and failed all her classes and got expelled from Street Fighter School. Then Bullrock killed her with a forklift and E. Hunda had sex with her dead body.”
“Mwahaha that is awesome.” (A/N: BTW dana hecate iz u. GIV ME BAK MAH FUKING SWEATER!!1111111!1!1!1!1)
We went into the cafeteria. I got myself a bowl of ramen noodles with blood and poured myself a glass of blood. Suddenly, I turned around and there was………………….Ryu Hoshi!
“Hey Indigo” Ryu said sexily.
“Hey Ryu” I said depressingly.
“Hey guess what?” asked Ryu. “Good Charlotte are having a concert in Tokyo.”
“OMFG I love GC! Almost as much as I love PATC or MCR (A/N: MCR ROX!!!!!!1) but definitely more than I love NIN, MM, BBC, TNT or DMX.”
“So do you wanna go?”
“GASP!” I gasped.
chaptah threve: 1 stup clozer (2 da sex lol!!!!!!!1)
A/N: ALL U FUGGIN PREPZZ I H8 AL OF U Y DU U ALLL XIST U MAK MAH LIF A LOOVIN HEEL!!!!!!!11!1 N STOOP FLAAMIN!!!!!!!11385701591T!1!!!! dana i m sorree i wuz meen 2 u. plz hlp me agin. splellin iz hrd. did i menshon dat mcr rox?
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On dah nite of dah concort I put on mah blak laze-up bots wif hi hels. Undaneaf dem wer riped red fishnits. Den I poot un a blac ledder mineedres wiv all dis corzett stuf on da bak an fron. I pot on mashing feshnett on mah rms. I strayhtened mah hare an maid it luk al spicky.
I din fink I luuked sexah enuf so I changeded an puut un a blck mehnehskit dat waz ull riped arrund da en an a maching tup wiff red scoolls all ovah it an hi heled buuts dat wer blac. I poot on too pares of skul earins, an to kroses n mah ers. I sprai-panded ma har wiff poorpul.
I tukk dat uff an putt on a blk leader shit dat shooed of mah bewbs an tieneh motching mnskrt dat sed Simple Plan un dah boott. Dat wuzznt sexah enouf so I pot unn a balk levver monodross dat wuz ull ripped on dah ens wit lase onnid. Dere waz sum corzett stoof on de fron. Den I poot on blak feshnits n back heye-heall’d bewts wiff pikshurs uv Billie Joe Armstrong un dem. I poot ma haer al owt arown me sow I luked lik Samara frm de Ring (A/N: if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so FUK URSELF U FUKIN FUK!) I payntid mah nayls blac nd putt onn TONNSS off bck i-lynerz. Dn Iy pudt owen somm blakk lopstuk. I dinidndn’t ptutut orn farndushonn bahcozz Ey worz pall ennehwehh. Dorrn A slod mo rasds nod dyrnk sam buuld farmm i baddul ned wershed A Nightmare Before Christmas ssa Ee wgr rnnddy ty tm bl plk fpjdwtt.
Chapter 4: Goffick Song Title
A/N: OMG DANA U R DA BEST U RUL!!!!!!!111 prepz u stil sook. MCR U STIL ROK111`111
Ryu picked me up for the concert. He looked real sexah. He took me to his flying car and we flew off to Tokyo for da concert. But then he flew the car into a tree!
“OMG what r you doing Ru?” I asked both angrily and sexily.
We started to french passively. Then we fondled each other nonparticipatively. We took off all our clothes unresponsively. Then Ryu took his boy tool and stuck it in my lady flower. We started to have da sex.
“Omg Ryu. Omg. Omfg.” I said having an orgasm.
“Omg Indigo I luv you. You are da most sexiest girl in da world. You r prettier than Amy Lee. Omg Inigo u make me wanna Hadooken in my pants.” Said Ryu all sextastically.
Suddenly, we heard a noise in da forest.
“WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU COCKSUCKERS DOING FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK!”
It was……………………………………………………….....Professor Gouken!
Chapter 5: Running out of song titles
A/N: SHOOT THA FOOK OOP U FOOKING PREPZ!11! I r 2 a good writeror. If u dunut lik dah storree iz not mah falt cuz u r DAH PREPPIEST PREP DAT EVAH PREPPING PREPPED! O n dah only reezon gooken cursed waz cuz hiz faborit sho gut conzelled. PREP U!!!!!!11! Dana u r nut a prep u rok. MCR ROX!!!
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Goken looked at us all angrily and badly.
“What were u doing having sex in a car in da woods?” He asked in a very angry manner of asking. “This sort of thing could get u expelled from Street Fighter School!”
I started to cry BLOOD RED TEARS OF BLOOD. I looked over at Ryu. He was also crying BLOOD RED TEARS OF BLOOD. The only one in the immediate area not crying BLOOD RED TEARS OF BLOOD waz Goukin but that was because hez not goffick enough (A/N: GED? DIT?).
“Explain yourselves,” said Gookin. “Why would u do such a thing you preposterous underlings?”
“BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” cried Ryu (TEARS OF BLOOD!).
“But I thought u were in love with Ken Masters?” asked Gouk’n. “I heard that you had the sex with him?”
I shooted at Ryu an angry look. “You had the sex with Ken? That fooking prep-poser?”
“It didn’t mean anything,” said Ryu sensitively. “It waz only one or fifteen times. Come on.”
I started to cry BLOOD RED TEARS OF BLOODY BLOOD. “RYU HOSHI YOU BASTARD!” Then I ran away into da forest.
I was all depressed and not in the good goffick way. I tried to slit mah wrists with some twigs, but that didn’t work. Suddenly, it became verrah quiet. All the birds stopped singing. I heard someones high heels coming towards me. I turned around. It was………………………………………………………………………………................................M. Byson!
“Indigo, thine time hath come!” he said evilly.
“No! What do you want? No!” I said sadly.
Then Bisenn gave me a gun. “Thou must taketh the lyfe of Ryu Hoshi!”
“OMFG!”
“Indubitably!” he said darkly. “If thou doth not, then mine own self wilt doth it anywaye and taketh thine owne lyfe as well anon.”
I thought about Ryu. I thought about his goffick black hair and his sexah BLOOD RED eyes and the way he looked like Joel Madden and Gerard Way combined only hotter except not cuz that’s impossible. I thought about da sex we had in the tree. I thought about how I had not put my clothes back on after that. I thought about how cold it was. I thought about how I wished I had eaten more before I left. I thought about Count Chockula. Then I thought about how Beyesun wanted me to kill Ryu or he would kill us both.
That’s when I remembered: I’m a fucking ninja!
I turned to Beesting looking all angry and sexah and goffick at the same time. “Of all the fucking prep-posers I have ever met, u are the preppiest and the poseriest. You’re not even wearing any black! You r evil and must be destroyed! And I am the one to do it!”
He laughed sarcastically. “Thou ludicrous motherfucker! I am madeth of pure evil and cannoth be destroyed by anyone. Not even thou, even though thou art a ninja, a vampire, and a witch. Anon.”
“But I have one thing dat you don’t have!”
“And what’s dat?”
I started to do my Ultra Combo. I screamed my battle cry.
“SHOORYOOKIN!!!!”
Then I shot him with the gun.
“Nooooooooooo!!!!!111!!1!!!!1” Boston started to melt. Then he started to turn to ash. Then he died.
“Indigo! Inigo!” I heard a voice. I turned and there was…………...Ryu Hoshi!
I was so happy to see him I cried BLOOD RED TEARS OF BLOOD. Ryu also cried TEARS OF BLOOD and we started to french again. Then we drank some beers, slit our wrists and smoked some drugs. Then he stuck his thingy in my you-know-what all night long.
(A/N: chapters 6-54 still to come!!!!1! MCR ROX!!!!!!11)
